After scouring the International Baccalaureate Organization's Web Site, I found that there were secret meanings, lies, if you will, hidden within its words. Now, don't get me wrong, these aren't meanings that tell you to worship the Devil if you read each third letter or record it on audiotape and play it backwards (I'm not totally eliminating those possibilities, I just haven't checked them out yet). Moreover, these are statements taken from the IBO home page, translated into IB propaganda. I took it as my duty to decipher them for you.

So here goes:

The first example is the IBO's very own Mission Statement:

What the IBO says: Through comprehensive and balanced curricula coupled with challenging assessments, the International Baccalaureate Organisation aims to assist schools in their endeavours to develop the individual talents of young people and teach them to relate the experience of the classroom to the realities of the world outside. Beyond intellectual rigour and high academic standards, strong emphasis is placed on the ideals of international understanding and responsible citizenship, to the end that IB students may become critical and compassionate thinkers, lifelong learners and informed participants in local and world affairs, conscious of the shared humanity that binds all people together while respecting the variety of cultures and attitudes that makes for the richness of life.

What it means: Using a curriculum designed by Satan and the apostles of Hell, and exams loaded with impossible questions and obscure answers, the IBO aims to assist universities in keeping enrollment of talented young people as low as possible. Beyond intellectual burnout and high stress levels, strong emphasis is placed on the idea of crushing students' spirits, so in the end, IB students will be heavily critical of the program and of our motives, leaving them with a jaded view of local and world affairs, and unconscious from their liquor consumption. Oh, the humanity!

Next up is their description of the Diploma Program:

What the IBO says: The International Baccalaureate Diploma Program is a rigorous pre-university course of studies, leading to examinations, that meets the needs of highly motivated secondary school students between the ages of 16 and 19 years. Designed as a comprehensive two-year curriculum that allows its graduates to fulfill requirements of various national education systems, the diploma model is based on the pattern of no single country but incorporates the best elements of several. The program is available in English, French and Spanish.

What it means: The Diploma Program is a horrid set of trials and tribulations, leading to examinations that rank just below ritualistic castration on the fun scale. The Program chokes students aged 16 to 19 of their vital needs, such as free time and oxygen. Disguised as a comprehensive two-year curriculum, this mass psychological experiment allows it guinea pigs (graduates) to nearly fulfill university requirements, but not quite. The diploma model is based on the pattern of no single country, and is therefore recognized by none. The program tortures English, French and Spanish students alike.

The third item involved the CAS hours necessary:

What the IBO says: Creativity, action, service is known by its acronym CAS and is a fundamental part of the diploma curriculum. The CAS requirement takes seriously the importance of life outside the world of scholarship, providing a refreshing counterbalance to the academic self-absorption some may feel within a demanding school program. Participation in theatre productions, sports and community service activities encourages young people to share their energies and special talents while developing awareness, concern and the ability to work cooperatively with others. The goal of educating the whole person and fostering a more compassionate citizenry comes alive in an immediate way when students reach beyond themselves and their books.

What it means: "Cruel and Sadistic" is known by its acronym CAS and is a part of the diploma program we tacked on at the end of a particularly long meeting. The CAS program creates an additional burden in what could be 150 hours of life outside the world of scholarship, providing a frantic period of thought, as students try to think of what could qualify for CAS hours instead of working on their demanding school program. Participation in torturing foreign spies, executions and gangland-style shootings encourage young people to follow in our footsteps and become members of the IBO. Our goal is building a whole person out of discarded body parts from failed suicide attempts among fellow students and making it come alive immediately to crush all opposition to us, including students who reach beyond their books and have independent thoughts about IB.

And finally, the IBO's comments on its curriculum:

What the IBO says: International curriculum planners seek to ensure that the organization's educational aims are embodied in the structure and content of the program itself. The diploma is displayed in the shape of a hexagon with six academic areas surrounding the core. Subjects are studied concurrently and students are exposed to the two great traditions of learning: the humanities and the sciences.

What it means: Satan's spawns sought to ensure that the crosshair of the organization's rifle is aimed directly between the eyes of IB's students. The diploma is displayed in the shape of a hexagon, because a pentagram would have tipped too many people off about IB's true aims. Subjects are studied infrequently and students are exposed to vast amounts of radiation while learning the humanities and the sciences.

There you go, now you know the truth.